New Year's Resolution

For the last few years, all I say at the end is, I hope the next year is better than this one. But I never really try to make it better. My laziness takes over and whenever I try to put my 'resolutions' into action, the thought that I have a whole year to achieve my goals holds me back. But I've finally realised (however late), that a 'whole' year is never long enough. However, it is still a phase of life and has its effects, whether you make an effort or not.

So what did 2011 do to me? This question is confusing. So much happened and yet everything seems the same. I understood a lot about myself, but I didn't change. I realised a lot about my surroundings but that didn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. How will all these changes, which have led to nothing, affect the 21st year of my life? All these questions need reflecting and this is one thing that I haven't been able to do and still am not. If anything has changed in the past year, it is my level of activity. With almost no time for myself, I have been unable to think straight about anything. As time is ticking by, I'm getting stuck up in life and can't see any way out. It's all a bit surprising if you sit and think about it; with all that has been going on around me, with everything that I (and all Pakistanis for that matter), have seen in the past year, one would have thought that we'd feel compassionate enough to sit back and wallow in the bitterness of what we've went through for a while, if not for long. But sadly, none of this sort happened.

Some would say it's a good sign. We've moved on with life despite all that many of us have gone through. It is true; life does move on and no matter how much you loose, you have to keep living till your heart is pumping blood in your arteries. There's no escaping life. Better live it with a smile instead of immersing in sorrow. But I don't think brave face is the case any more. If I speak for myself, after hearing so much bad news, after watching so much violence and death around me, I have kind of become immune to the severity and dreadfulness of it all. I do feel sad but it's for moments and then I 'move on'. Few incidents have the ability to shock me now, to make me realise the magnitude of what has happened. In short, the feeling of sorrow isn't new to me any more. It is happiness that is rare.

This year I hope the situation turns opposite. With all my heart I wish, the bleak atmosphere of my homeland brightens up. The feeling of compassion, of love comes back to me and happiness takes over. A bit too optimistic? I don't think so, especially when I hope that it is me who makes an effort to bring back the old smiles back to at least a few faces around me. I hope I actually try to bring the change I want to see.